12/1/2025

T, Mi Amor,

I’ve typed this out now but I’ve dated it for tomorrow because I am going to send this to you first thing tomorrow morning. So wishing you a happy month-a-versary! It’s been one month since our journey began. How wonderful is that? One month ago we were just strangers who had no idea of each other’s existence.

One of the weird synchronicities I realised is that since we have been together, we haven’t had a chance to spend significant milestones together. Like we couldn’t be together on your birthday. And we can’t be together today either. But we’ve managed to make enough space for each other so we can ensure we continue to grow together, without growing apart.

I am reflecting on how we spent time together yesterday. On the drive there, I had these waves of thoughts on what i should be doing – with life and love and all other moving parts. And I mentally just shouted at the universe and said – give me a sign and tell me what I should be doing. And I was stopped at the signal and I saw this board to the right. The text had faded from the first word but the second word read INTEGRATION.

Well, whether that was pure coincidence or whether that was the actual universe giving me a sign, I don’t know. But hey, it was something right? And I don’t know if you remember this but this is one of the first things that I said to you. I see it as how I can integrate you, us, and Lil Sis, Nemo, all of the people that matter into our life. Because no relationship can be completely absolute in the sense that the sustenance comes from just the two people in it. And I think that’s one of the things we are attempting to build as we go. For example, how can we integrate each other’s routines, tasks and goals so that both of us succeed you know? And I know we are still figuring out the rhythm with it all, but someone once told me – it’s better to be consistently good than occasionally great.

One of the other things that I wanted to write about was on something that you said that’s been haunting me since you said it. You remember when I was driving to you I had lied about the delivery and what i was doing because I wanted it to be a surprise? And you caught me so easily. And you said to me – I’m really good at this. You know how many times I have been cheated on by my ex?

I got to tell you babe. That line. It just shattered me. And it wasn’t alone because of how ghastly the trauma itself was, but rather because of how it has moulded a portion of you to pick up on stuff like this in a hyper vigilance. And as I started to think about that I thought about me. And I realised how there are some things that I have gone through which have their own version of a hyper vigilance trauma response from me.

And if there was a magic wand that I could wave to make all of that disappear, then I would. But the question is.. should we? I think the versions of us who we are right at this instant, the ones who met and shared and fell in love are the ones who are sum of all of their experiences. And if we were to remove some of those experiences then would we be the same? But at the same time I think it alludes on a deeper level to the Nature Vs Nurture school of thought. For example, when I was 7 years old I got my first cycle. The day that my dad gifted it for me on my birthday, everyone was standing beside and taking photos and happy. And the moment dad handed it to me I said to him – did you get a lock for it? At that age the first response that came from me when you found something you loved was – keep it safe. Was that just my nature? Or was it my experience of never having the solid kind of love that made me want to secure it?

But all hypotheticals aside and getting down to brass tacks, while I can’t change the past for either of us, I can promise the present and the future.

I promise you that I will always protect you. I promise you that I will never lie to you. I promise you that I will never intentionally hurt you. I promise that in the times that I unintentionally hurt you, I will always apologise. I promise you that I will remain yours, forever & always.

The way I see it is that I know we have both our nervous systems on hyper vigilance as we start this journey together. But a time will come when it will shut down because it will finally know that – this person is my person.

I will work with you everyday to make sure we get there. So we build our lives on absolute 100% pure TRUST.

Love Forever & Always,

XOXO

A