12/2/2025

T, Mi Amor,

I am so relieved, that i am here now writing for you. You know writing is the one thing that makes me feel so at peace. Because I love how I can articulate my thoughts and my feelings in a very specific and unique way. And all these days, my words were published for the world to see. But they were like whispers in a snowstorm travelling infinitely in a digital space never landing.

But now? I get to write for someone who reads, savours and understand the gravitas behind the words. Someone who understands the angst. Someone who can strip the etymology and see the true meaning.

Today, like many a night before, I sit thinking about love. But most recently, when I was driving to work this morning, I thought about how differently people love. Me, for example, I am a romantic fool. I see Ted Mosby looking at Robin for the first time and see him fall in love in that instant, I see Michael falling for Holly when they are sitting on the floor, I have seen them all. Falling over and over again. All of them just canon balled. That’s the only way I know how to love. The all or nothing kind of love.

I remember when I was 4 years old, my grandad would take me to this theatre opposite our house. It had the biggest parking lot. I used to run around completely free. I could never even cross the middle when I ran. I used to turn back and see if Subbarao Thatha was still there. Just to make sure I didn’t cross too far away from his world. And I remembered thinking – this has to be the biggest space I have ever seen. And I ran around free as a bird and I used to stop every time to pick up a stone. I picked it up for my mom. I would pocket it and continue running. And then eventually when the sun set, we would make our way back home. And the moment I got home, I would run to mom and say – Amma, ninage tuppu Kallu. (Yea I mixed up the syllables instead of saying puttu).

And when I think now of how I love, I think of my heart in the same way. The tiniest little pebble. So white. So pure. I picked it up, I polished it. I went running and I gave it. And everyone I gave it dropped it into the mud. Only for me to learn how to clean it again and hope that someone comes who will realise that, that little pebble was no pebble at all but a diamond. I’ve bled freely. Far too many times than any human ever should. Yet I still continue to give love the same way. Because I always knew, and hoped that one day I would find my angel. The one who would see the diamond and hold it so preciously close to her heart.

I love this way, because this is the only way I know how to love.

And when I was thinking about all this, I thought about something else. It was something that you said to me. You said to me the other day – I’m glad to have you in my life and I’m scared now, thinking of my parents. I asked you what you meant. And you said – because now I think of how I am going to tell them.

That’s when I realised how you love. Where I canon ball, you are the little girl who sits on the banks. Knees clutched to her chest. Because she nearly drowned before. So she puts one toe in. And pulls back thinking the water is too cold. But only after she does she realises the water is actually warm. And then slowly and steadily, she immerses herself a little bit more each time. But she keeps going back to the banks. Lest she drown again.

And I want to say today. I get it. We both love in different ways. I read somewhere once – “That’s what relationships are… two maps slowly learning each other’s terrain. How true is that? When I am seeing you now in my mind’s eye, I think of Lady Galadriel. She was this elvish princess from Lord of the Rings. I see you in that mythical ethereal light. I see your palms extended, a scrunchie on one, holding the tiniest little diamond. But it glows so much that it illuminates the entire world.

So, princess, when I write to you today, I write to you to say, I hold this space for you. The warm peaceful lake, where you can swim without ever having the fear of drowning.

Love Forever & Always,

XOXO,

A