11/28/2025

T, Mi Amor,

I think the beauty of believing in the universe is that the synchronicity that starts to appear is such a positive and wonderful thing. For a really long time now, I have been believing that everything that is happening is unfolding exactly as it should be, to allow for me to eventually find my peace. And that peace can come in various forms – like wealth, health, and most importantly connection.

The feeling that i relate to the most is of a little boy walking in a dark path. I think that’s largely because at a very young age i got “left” without anyone to hold onto. And for the longest time I was afraid because I couldn’t see the light. I extended my hands into the darkness because I really wanted an anchor to hold onto. But what I had grabbed onto in the past turned out to be grizzly animals that just hurt me in ways unimaginable.

So eventually, I learned. I learned to let my light shine. And it wasn’t a very bright light mind you. But it was just enough to illuminate the next step. So i took that step and the next and the next after that until I started to move. Not going to lie, it took time to get here. Because it’s unnerving to just take the next visible step without knowing the destination it will lead you to. The constant thought is – am i finally going to be home or is the next step going to be off a cliff which throws me onto a jagged rock shore and annihilate me. But you have to trust that you are making progress in the right direction and towards your eventual home.

Which brings me back to believing in the universe. Take today for example. The Pattern app threw this at me in the daily vibe – Today, trust someone with a small truth you’ve been guarding. Intimacy deepens when we risk being known, not just being mysterious.

And the entire morning today when I was driving I let my mind wander to try and figure out what is that tiny truth I can share with you which will deepen our bond. And as I stayed rooted to the spot at the Domlur signal to change green I let my thoughts slip into the darker recesses of my mind. And eventually it landed on a small little thought that i had been guarding. Maybe not guarding, just hidden behind a veil.

There is a core belief inside of me that I am not worthy enough. And by this I don’t mean that individually just as a person. I mean that holistically as a choice. Like there’s a part of me that believes – I don’t think I am good enough to be chosen when the choice is difficult.

I think a large portion of this comes from the way I experienced love when I was growing up. It was meted out as a reward against performance. So I had to be perfect to be loved.

And as I have grown older and a little greyer and a little wiser, I have come to realise that I am not perfect. Far from it actually. And along with the realisation eventually came the acceptance too. But that was the self acceptance. I think one of the things I haven’t seen or been able to see or envision is acceptance coming from a counterpart or externally. Because if the core belief was – people love me because I am perfect. Then what happens when I see and believe that I am not perfect? How will anyone ever love me?

And I think that as I step forth into these amazing new vistas with you, and I feel secure and happy and confident, I am trying to learn about how I can learn to accept that you will love me for the best of me and the rest of me.

I hope you enjoyed getting to know me a little bit better.

Love Forever & Always,

XOXO

A