1/18/2026

T, Mi Amor,

It’s 5:45 PM. I must’ve checked the phone like 20 times in the past 2 hours. I know you went to sleep around 3. So I was assuming you would wake up around 5, but I haven’t heard from you so I am guess you still are.

I came back from my haircut at 3:30, trimmed my chest hair (cause the damn chain keeps getting stuck on it), trimmed my balls (cause you know ;)), and had a nice hot shower.

I went to sleep around 4 and woke up at 4:40. One of the things I realised is that I can’t easily sleep in the afternoons, it just is such shallow stressful sleep, I don’t know what it is.

Once I woke up, I sorted out my supplement stack, ordered whatever I needed to refill. I needed to refill my perfume too, which I did. And I got a little something something for you. (Yes yes i know you told me don’t buy you stuff but I love you and i like taking care of you, so dont be mad. I think i spent like 200 bucks on it so it’s ok).

It’s now closing in on 3 hours since we spoke. One of the things I realised is, in the empty echoes of the universe, the music that I had got used to and that has become my totem pole is talking to you, in whatever shape or form.

So when I dont hear from you, the world sort of quiets down. Maybe a little too much. Or maybe I just love you so much that the silence is all the more deafening when you aren’t around.

I thought I will text you once, but I remember I woke you up this morning when I did. So I don’t want to risk doing that again, cause I know you need the rest, you have been burning both ends of the candle for the longest time, and you really really need a reset.

I know, I know, come tomorrow your mind is going to go into full overdrive. It’s going to scream at you saying – what the fuck do you think you are doing, you need to do this, you need to do that, omg and you are resting how dare you?

But I’m here to tell you that cray cray version needs to chill out, because she has a tendency to not be too kind to you. Cause she was born in necessity, but now takes control even when she probably shouldn’t. So maybe it’s ok now and then to tune her out a little bit.

I will share an example of why. You know when I saw Inside Out yesterday, they said – this is fear, fear helps keep Riley safe. That was such a wonderful way to look at it. And I bring this to you now because like how you have the version who is so hard on you, I have a version who tends to crawl out from under the rock when it’s quiet out. Right now he said to me – wait bro, what if she is actually awake but isn’t messaging you. Maybe you aren’t that important you know? Cause you might be waiting for her, but maybe she isn’t waiting for you.

That fear was born in me to keep me safe, from everyone who abandoned me. But today I tell him – bro stfu, she’s the only one who loves me like no one else in the world, she gives us exactly what we need and she sees me and she lights up, why in the world wouldn’t i be the first person she texts when she wakes up? And even in the odd chance that she didn’t, that’s ok too. She still shows up whenever it matters, and if something’s kept her from reaching out, let’s not jump to the (stupid) conclusion that we dont matter.

You see how I actively try to break that conditioning? I tell you, it’s not easy. Because in the silence, even the tiniest mosquito flying by can be the only thing you hear. But hey, that’s the whole point. To realise it’s loud only because everything else is quiet.

I’m waiting, for that little chirp, the sweetest sound in the world, that tells me you thought of me.
I’m waiting for that divine melody of Lewis’s harmony ring on my phone letting me know that like me, you find everything else Pointless too.

Can’t wait for you to read this.

Love Forever And Always,

XOXO,

A