11/29/2026

T, Mi Amor,

I think this one is more for me than for you. I don’t even think that I can finish it up in one sitting, but I am going to try. So here goes…

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It’s a sunny Tuesday afternoon. There’s a warm cross breeze blowing from the open balcony, wafting in towards the library and flowing out the other window. The translucent curtains dance effortlessly every time they are caught in the playful breeze.

I’m sitting on the sofa, my legs are outstretched. I’m reading. About halfway through that month’s book. I can smell what you are cooking. It’s my favourite. The vanilla cupcakes with the chocolate and strawberry buttercream frosting. It’s engulfed the whole house with a sense of joy and endless possibilities. I can hear obscure dialogues from Jim and Pam coming in from the kitchen. You’re on your millionth rewatch. I can see your shadow bouncing around the kitchen as you continue baking. I smile thinking of that one moment from years ago when I first imagined this.

My reverie is broken suddenly. It’s Elia. She’s almost 19 now. I remember the time when I first held her like it was yesterday. She sits across from me, cross legged, she places her phone down in between her legs, just the way you do.

Elia – ughhhh dadddddd.

Me – what’s up princess?

Elia – eww. You know i hate it that you call me that. Especially since that’s what you call mom.

Me – well you both are… to me.

Elia – ughhhhh. Ok I’m going to go.

Me – alright alright alright, slow down, tell me what it is.

I keep thinking of how she is just like you.

Elia – I had some questions… about love.

I close the book. I know it’s serious. She rarely ever opens up with such a direct question. I sit up and sit cross legged facing her.

Me – ask me your questions and I shall bequeath to you knowledge from your elders.

She rolls her eyes. I think of all those times when you did the same to me in the car. I’ve lost count how many times I’ve seen that look.

Elia – so… one of the things I’ve always thought of was that love is… easy you know? It’s just so naturally occurring and there’s no sense of difficulty you know. It’s just something that fits. But off late it doesn’t seem to be that nothing is easy at all. It’s just been upstream for me for the longest time and I don’t know. I just don’t think any of it is easy. I don’t know how it just transformed into something that takes so much effort. Whatever came naturally… just isn’t any more. Now that’s got me questioning whether this is love or not at all. Or it’s something else altogether.

I guessed she’s talking about her boyfriend. The one she met in college. I remember you mentioning it to me in bed a few months ago. I had intentionally not broached the topic with her. After all she is your daughter and she knows how to take care of herself. I trusted her to come to me with it when she was ready. I felt the tiniest jump of joy now that it was finally happening. A rite of passage for me as a father.

Me – that’s fair. To feel that way. I don’t think anyone can live with absolute uncertainty of what something is until you have lived it out. And if you outlive it, that’s when you know it wasn’t really love. But if it outlives you, then know you what it is.

Elia – yea but that means you don’t know until you know and that could take like forever. But why has it shifted shapes now. Like what it was or what I thought it was to what it’s become now. Why isn’t it easy any more?

Me – let me ask you this. When you see your mother and I. Do you think we are in love?

Elia – Ofcourse what kind of question is that?

Me – good. What makes you believe that?

Elia – you guys just click you know? It’s so natural. It’s so effortless. It just fits…

Me – that’s true. It does. There’s no doubt about that. Do you think this is how it’s always been?

Elia – I’d like to think so. Where are you going with this?

Me – Do you know it’s been 22 years that her and I have never slept apart from each other? For 22 years, I’ve always gone to bed by her side. For 22 years when she’s woken up she’s only seen my ugly mug?

Elia – Yes dad I know. What’s the point of all this?

Me – Do you know how it was for us when we started?

Elia – I think I’ve just heard bits and pieces of that story and I don’t know all too well. So enlighten me oh wise elder.

Me – When we started, I lived about 30 kilometers away from her. It took me about 4 hours of total commute time. And I got to see her maybe 2 hours, on the good days, otherwise lesser than that.

Elia – hmmmm.

Me – yea and that wasn’t even every day. Some times it was a week before I saw her. And even when I did, it felt like it was over in a blink. The hugs that I got was across the two seats in the car. Barely able to hold her. And when we slept in the night, it was just the two of us on call sleeping. The only solace was hearing that odd breath that escaped a little too loudly and got caught on the call.

Elia – how did you all even manage that? When it was so… distant

Me – that wasn’t even the difficult part. It was what followed those initial few months. By the second year when she was in school, I remember times when all we had was a few rapid fire burst rounds of messaging followed by hours of silence. The only time I could see her was like 30 minutes for a quick bite in between 36 hour stretches of work. And that was around the same time I was also making pivots at work. And we both were just exhausted. Like ALL the time. It was just crazy.

Elia – damn.

Me – yea.

Elia – was there ever a time when you thought you guys wouldn’t make it?

Me – I think there was always a deep fear that I had. But i dont think it was a conscious thought that was based on evidence. It was more so controlled by fear and anxiety.

Elia – so what was it? That made it work?

Me – The very core of it is very simple. I would rather have her in my life to figure out how to make it work, than not at all. Being with her was better than not being with her. That’s just it. If you truly believe that, and if you both truly want that. Then everything else becomes just another problem you need to solve together. And as you do that you realise that you never let go of each other’s hands. Sometimes it feels like all you are dangling by is two intertwined pinkies. But even then, you don’t let go. Until the time you can come back to the center. And when you do, it feels like – oh my god it’s so much easier now. Even if you are grasping with two fingers. And you keep doing that over and over and over again. Until the time comes that you can sink into each other. At home. The home you both build.

Elia – hmmmmm.

Me – questions? Thoughts?

Elia – So it gets easier?

Me – Ofcourse it does. But then it gets tougher too. Ebb and flow. Thats the only thing that’s constant. This too shall pass applies to both the good times and the bad.

Elia – hmmmmm.

A fraction of a second her eyes dart behind me.

As Elia jumps out of the sofa rolling her eyes at us, I realise I am suddenly engulfed. It’s your perfume that covers me first. Followed by your arms. And I feel you sink into me and your cheeks against me.

You whisper – I’m so glad i kept choosing you.

Me – Right back at you baby.

We both just melt into the couch as one.

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Love You Forever And Always,

XOXO,

A