2/4/2026

T, Mi Amor,

Oh baby girl, if only there were enough words or combination of words for me to explain what I am feeling right now. Today was probably the best day that I have lived out so far, since the time we’ve been together. I had to add the “so far” because each time i feel this, a few days or weeks later, I have another experience that tops it and I can’t seem to figure out how, because it just keeps getting better and better.

There’s a thread here that I want to pull at. Somewhere deep down, inside of you, there’s a thought I have read. The thought that plays out wondering – Is what I have with him special? How is it unique? Did the other’s have the same taste? And if yes, who in their right mind would want to leave someone like him.

I think the first time we had touched upon this topic was about when you had asked me if I had done something with someone before. And we had that discussion about love versus acts of love. We spoke about this a little bit today too. But it made me think of that Christmas night. When we were walking down the road hand in hand. And you said – but you’ve done all of this with someone else. You had this whole other life.

I’m not going to lie. This thought played in my head a lot of times. One portion was me trying to figure it out and make sense of it. The other portion was to try and fathom how much it bothered you. While I can’t control the latter, I try today to explain it all.

There’s two versions of me that existed. The ones that others had before you. And the one that you have. I’ll let you be the judge of who got the better end of the deal. The version of me that grew up learned that love comes as a reward. A reward for good performance. A good marks card. A chore well done. A responsibility well executed. That cemented an understanding which that if i perform really really well, then i get a lot of love. And with that thought began my performance… of love. I create situations where I performed. And mind you I performed admirably well… at first.

But it was Nathaniel Hawthorne who said – No man, for any considerable period, can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude, without finally getting bewildered as to which may be the true. The only catch was, I didnt wear a different face. I erased mine. Each time i performed, I disappeared a little bit at a time, until the essence of what I really was… perished. And once he perished, along with it, so did the relationships inevitably.

And so, for the longest time, I sat alone. I wept, I curled up in fear, I writhed in pain. But eventually, I woke up, I learned how to stand tall, and I started to walk. Before I knew it I was running, I was free. I learned who I was. I learned how I loved. I learned why I loved like that. And I eventually learned what I was always meant – I was enough just the way I was.

I can’t find a way to say this without sounding too hyperbolic. When god made you, he (or she) broke the mould. You aren’t like anyone I have ever met or I will ever meet, of that I’m sure. You know the most beautiful part of us? I think that you fell in love with me without even me performing. In an obscure corner of the internet, I lurked in between comments, shedding small portions of light hoping that it might illuminate those who were lost. You saw the whole trail and saw the roaring light that could engulf the universe. And you said to me – I feel like maybe cos I see you care for him so much so I know you are capable of that kind of love?

You floored me with that line. If i measure every single meaningful thing anyone has said to me ever, and if I stack them all together on atop the other, that doesn’t even hold a candle to what you said to me. And you said it to me 3 days after we met. You saw my love not as performance, but as presence.

And that my sweet little snowflake, is why you should know that the love I carry for you is the most unique. That what we share is something that I could never ever share with anyone else. That when I am with you, I allow myself to be fully seen, and I bask in the warmth that you offer, and I radiate the light that you need to illuminate your path.

Which is why today, what we experienced was such a strong core memory. Something that was a virgin experience. And I promise you that there are many more that I will share with you.

I share with you my life, my light, my love, for the first time ever.

Love Forever And Always,

XOXO,

A