2/11/2026

T, Mi Amor,

I started and stopped writing this a few times. Trying to figure out whether I bring this to the surface or not. Not that i had any hesitation in saying this to you. You know me well enough by now, I love being fully unfiltered around you. But I guess that once I said it, it would make it very real. And I think sometimes the very real things scare you. And I want you to be comfortable getting naked on your own, rather than me showing you how I can see you that way. But, the key message here is – this is a good thing. And I want you to trust me.

After our first date, you and I had a conversation. The one where I asked you out. And you said Yes. And we said I love you to each other for the first time. And you said something to me that shook the ground beneath me. You said – I don’t want to be added to that list. I want to stay.

Baby, you have no idea how long i have yearned to hear those words. In fact it’s all I have ever wanted to hear… ever. One of the things I have come to realise is that I haven’t really experienced a wholesome kind of love. The kind that you give me. I don’t think I have ever felt safe in anyone’s arms. I was constantly the one who provided that safety. So when I was on the receiving end of it, it felt like – is this what warmth feels like? Is this what it feels like to have people?

At the core of me is that need to feel chosen. But when I do, I don’t really know what to do with it.

I don’t know if you have ever watched the show Sacred Games. But there is a dialogue that happens there. Nawazuddin is at this fancy festival celebration for Ganesha Chaturthi and they serve this sweet thing called Kharvas. The serve it to him and his wife. And she declines. No matter how much they force her she doesn’t eat. On the drive back he asks her – why didnt you eat it? And Subhadra says – You know when I was a kid they we used to go out for Chaturthi. And Kharvas was the sweet that everyone craved for. But we could never afford it. So all my life it became this thing that i craved for but I could never get. Today was the first time I am able to have it. But I am scared to. Because what if it doesn’t live up to the expectation that I have in my head. What if I have it and I feel let down?

Subhadra let her fear take control of her desire. She denied herself of the joy.

For me, Kharvas is love. Many times I believed it was what I was tasting. But then it turned out to be something else altogether. And so i got let down. I got left behind. For the longest time I denied myself. I denied myself the hope that I would want to taste love. I had blocked out the desire because the disappointment far outweighed the weight of the want of it all.

But I let myself open that door again in November, and who walked in? YOU! And in your arms I found safety. In your words I found warmth. In your voice I found peace. And in your love, I let myself settle. I didn’t hold my breath any more. This was my journey into us babe.

But the mind is very funny in the way it works. You set out with the belief. You go with the full force of hope. And then you get it. And the moment you do. The history starts to look for patterns. Patterns of disappearance. Patterns that maybe this isn’t really real if it is so sweet. It makes us believe that maybe this isn’t Kharvas at all.

I write to you today because I know you and I are the same, but in different ways. When we started, we both started with the belief. That it could be everything that we hoped for. And along the way it had some roadbumps which we overcame. And then we realised that it’s becoming more and more real. It’s not just something that existed behind anonymous usernames any more. And when it became real it started to get scary. Because we know that we had something more valuable to lose.

I write to you today, because through all the storm clouds of fear, rays of sunshine still peek through. When you said last week – We’ll call it Tani… I couldn’t figure out what the hell it was until you explained to me. That’s why I broke into so much joy and hugged you the way I did. Another time when we I dropped you off and I was heading back, you said to me – you know if things continue like this then I can see this turning into a marriage. And when I said to you that I asked god to make all your wishes come true, you said to me *our.

I write to you today to tell you. Join this ride with me to BELIEVE. We just might end up having it all.

Love Forever And Always,

A